“One more month to go?” a friend asked when we met up yesterday, referring to when Emma is going to be due.
“No, two more weeks!” I chirpily announced.
And then for the rest of the day after that, I found myself sinking into anxiety and panic.
Two more weeks! Where did the time go?
A month or so ago, our gynae had told us that Emma was moving pretty low and might be “due anytime”, and then he cheerfully added, “But try to keep her in!”
What! How? With the power of my mind?
So there we were, trying to hold her in, though I honestly don’t know how we did that besides just praying that she continues to reside within me to be nurtured this last lap of the pregnancy journey.
Up till two weeks ago, I really felt like she was going to just drop out of me anytime – she felt that heavy. Plus the Braxton Hicks that kept me up at nights! And so I went on a rampage to do as much as I possibly can to prepare for her arrival, including finishing up remnants of home projects and just random tasks that would be quite impossible to accomplish once Emma is here.
Two weeks have flown by since! We are so, so grateful that we have reached 37 weeks and Emma is now technically considered full-term. The pressure is off, but a whole new one has set in.
I’m excited that she will be here soon, and I trust that I will love her as I love Matthew – in ways I did not understand or expect, and in proportions that have completely astounded me.
But I’m not so sure that our lives will not be turned upside-down all over again! Suddenly, I remember all the sleeplessness, having to get readjusted to new schedules, fights between the Hubz and I when things got too overwhelming and we got too exhausted, late night rushes to warm up expressed milk just so I can skip one breastfeeding and get some sleep… and just writing this now makes me have to stop to breathe-in, breathe-out, all over again.
Yes, I know we will get through this, as everyone else does. And probably learn a lot more, and have a lot more memories to cherish in the process.
(Today was actually a ‘danger’ day cos Father Andrew had joked that he should pray that Emma share a birthday with me, like our dear young friend’s miracle baby did! Well, the day isn’t over yet, so let’s keep our fingers crossed!)
Breathing in, breathing out,