“I love you right up to the moon… and back”
As we lay in bed tonight, the way we do every night, with me feeling equally blessed to be mother to you and Emma, and also increasingly vexed with you continuing to roll about – and getting up and down – instead of going to sleep, you did something to turn the odds in your favour.
You looked at me – which is the common thing we do, and then you said, “Sweet dreams, mummy…” (I always say to you, “Do you want sweet dreams tonight? [Yes!] Okay, so we ask Jesus to give Matthew and Emma sweet dreams tonight when you go to sleep…” but this was the first time you’ve said that to me.
And then, you gave me the biggest little-bear hug, and you said, “I like to hug you, Mummy.” I hugged you right back and there we were, holding on tightly to each other, and it felt really amazing.
Thank you, my dear sweet prince, for this God moment of a somewhat difficult day.
For the past few weeks at Marymount Kindy, you kids have been singing “I love Mummy” type of songs in preparation for Mother’s Day. On one of the mornings, your teacher, Mrs Leow, (and Zachary’s, too) had pointed out to you boys where Zach’s mummy and I were standing at our usual spot, where we watch you both every morning. They tried to direct you to sing your Mother’s Day songs at us. (Well, every child turned to look at us as we cowered in the face of such sweet attention…). You and Zachary though, for the most part, I think, didn’t quite understand enough of the context of the song.
I thought I would feel quite moved by you, my boy, singing such lyrics of love to mum, but I honestly felt nothing. So there I would be, every morning, listening to your preparation for Mother’s Day, and not claiming any of that love you were singing. It was odd, and I didn’t quite know how to make sense of it, till last week.
Then it occurred to me that I felt nothing cos they were lyrics that didn’t mean anything (yet) between you and I. It just paled in comparison to our own personal declarations of love. There is no “I love you Mummy” songs (yet) that can replace how I feel when you look at me and say, “I love you, Mummy”…
I melt a little each time you say it, and didn’t think anything can change how I feel about that, until recently.
That was one night in bed when instead of your usual declaration of love, you had turned to me and said, “I love you very much, Mummy.” And that’s when it hit me, wow, I can melt more than I ever thought possible.
My response? Of course, it was, “I love you more, Matthew.”
PS: The first time you ever said “I love you, Mummy” and I went “AWWWW!!!”, your father thought I was being sentimental. So I challenged him to feel it for himself. He then said to you, “I love you Matthew” and you returned, “I love you, Daddy…”
And your daddy straightaway went, “Awww!!!”
There you go.
The power of love, sealed. Sometimes with words, sometimes with big little-bear hugs.
I love you, my baby, right up to the moon and back.